Get ready to ho-ho-howl with laughter! These 10 Christmas jokes are packed with holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright. Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will surely bring everyone joy!
Ah, Christmas! The time of year when everything sparkles, people get a little more generous, and we all pretend fruitcake is something we look forward to eating.
A woman sitting at a table with a plate of fruitcake | Source: Pexels
The holiday season is full of cheer, and it’s also a great time for laughter. Whether you’re cozy by the fireplace or stuck at a family gathering looking for a way to break the ice, these jokes are sure to bring a smile.
So grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to chuckle with these festive funnies!
A Christmas Test at Heaven’s Gates
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
St. Peter standing at heaven’s gates | Source: Midjourney
“To get into heaven tonight, you each need to show me something that represents Christmas.”
The first man digs into his pockets, pulls out a match, and lights it. “This is a Christmas candle,” he says with a hopeful smile.
“Impressive,” Saint Peter says and waves him through.
A man holding a lit match | Source: Pexels
The second man reaches into his jacket and jangles a set of keys. “These are Christmas bells,” he grins.
Saint Peter nods, letting him pass.
Then, the third man steps up, pulling out a pair of red panties.
Puzzled, Saint Peter asks, “And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?”
Women’s underwear | Source: Unsplash
The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
If that joke didn’t light your Christmas candle, this next one might leave you laughing all the way to New Year’s Day. It’s a story of holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband waking up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting.
The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise
Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.
A man sitting on the side of the bed | Source: Pexels
As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.
“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.
A boy eating breakfast | Source: Midjourney
Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”
“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”
Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”
Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.
The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.
Two soldiers chatting | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”
“What happened?” his friend asks.
“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.
“And what did you ask for?”
A soldier | Source: Pexels
“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Ready for a joke that’s heaven-sent? This next story features a monk who spent years copying ancient texts, only to uncover a little mistake that could change everything. It’s a reminder that even the holiest of tasks can come with a hilarious twist!
The Monastic Misprint
A monk named David had spent years copying ancient religious texts by hand. He worked hard at his job and dedicated himself to upholding his vows to be obedient and celibate and free himself from the desire for possessions.
A devout monk working on religious texts | Source: Midjourney
One day, shortly before Christmas, the head abbot entrusted David with the task of verifying the original manuscripts had been copied and translated precisely, word-for-word.
On Christmas day, David was nowhere to be found. Eventually, the head abbot located him in the archives, crying uncontrollably.
“Brother David, what’s wrong?” the abbot asked.
“All this time… we’ve been copying it wrong,” David sobbed.
“Copying what wrong?” the abbot pressed.
A monk and an abbot looking at religious texts | Source: Midjourney
“The word wasn’t ‘celibate’… it was ‘celebrate’!”
If you thought that last one was divine, the next joke shows us that sometimes family drama isn’t what it appears to be.
The Holiday Season Break-up
The day before Christmas, a father in Brisbane calls his son in Sydney.
“Sorry to ruin your holiday,” the dad says, “but your mother and I are divorcing. I just can’t take it anymore.”
A man making a phone call | Source: Midjourney
Shocked, the son yells, “What? No, don’t do anything until I get there! I’m calling my sister.”
Moments later, the daughter phones her dad, furious. “You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Don’t do a single thing!”
The father hangs up and turns to his wife.
A solemn man glancing to one side | Source: Midjourney
He grins widely and tells her, “Well, that’s our Christmas plans sorted. The kids are on their way and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!”
Let’s keep the laughs rolling with a little tale about early Christmas shopping. You know that feeling when you’re just a bit too eager to grab your gifts? Well, this next joke proves that timing is everything — even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals earlier than expected.
The Early Christmas Shopper
A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
A judge in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently.
“There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
A somber man | Source: Midjourney
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season.
Airport Mistletoe Mishap
Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas. He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale.
Mistletoe at the airport | Source: Midjourney
Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
Man talking to airline attendant at the luggage area | Source: Midjourney
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level.
The Kid’s Christmas Bargain
A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him.
“You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
A child sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene.
Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong.
A Christmas nativity scene | Source: Pexels
It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
A teen boy | Source: Midjourney
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
A mall decorated for Christmas | Source: Pexels
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud.
The Husband’s Christmas Misunderstanding
A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
A man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
People at a Christmas party | Source: Midjourney
After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
For many people, Christmas is a time for family, so keep the laughs coming with these jokes about family life.
I Got a Frantic Video Message from My Mom — I Was Shocked to Find Out What Dad Had Done to Her
While Annie is having a lazy Saturday, sitting around and scrolling through social media, a video message from her mom pops up. As she hits play, Annie discovers that one of her father’s pranks has left her mother scared and alone. Annie rushes over to her parents’ house, ready to teach her father a lesson.
I didn’t think my dad would ever take one of his dumb jokes this far, but here we are, having lived through it. My phone lit up earlier today with a video message from my mom that made my heart stop for a second.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw, and now, hours later, I’m still trying to process the whole thing.
A worried young woman | Source: Midjourney
Let me back up a second and give you some context on how everything went down. My dad is what you’d call “old school.” He has this grumpy exterior, like he came straight out of the 1970s and never quite adapted to life in the present.
He’s not a bad guy, but he can be ridiculously difficult to get along with. He doesn’t do heart-to-hearts or deep conversations. Instead, he sheds part of his grumpiness off when he’s at home and leans into his pranking nature. They are harmless, annoying little pranks that he thinks are hilarious but leave my mom rolling her eyes and sighing.
A grumpy man | Source: Midjourney
Most of the time, Dad does really stupid stuff like hiding Mom’s glasses when she’s looking for them or misplacing her keys right when she’s about to leave. These pranks have always been annoying, but nothing too wild.
Except today.
Today, Dad decided to really outdo himself.
I was in my little apartment about 20 minutes from my parents’ house. I was minding my own business, sipping on a soft drink and scrolling through TikTok, when my phone pinged with a message from my mother.
A woman sitting in her living room | Source: Midjourney
A video message.
The thumbnail was black, and all I could hear was her voice, which was muffled and kind of shaky. Like she was afraid of something.
That’s when I got a bit panicked. Mom wasn’t the type to send video messages. To be honest, I didn’t think she knew how to do it. Immediately, I knew that something was off.
I tapped play, and there she was. The camera was all shaky, and she was crouched in a corner, whispering like she was about to be caught by someone or something.
A close up of a woman | Source: Midjourney
“Annie,” she breathed into the phone. “Sweetheart, your dad… he locked me in the basement. Can you come help me? He thinks this is funny. All because he wanted to eat in peace. I think there are rats or mice in the basement, Annie. Come quickly.”
What. The. Hell.
I was so shocked, I nearly dropped my phone onto the floor. Locked in the basement? He locked her in the basement? And it was supposed to be funny?
A worried woman | Source: Midjourney
My dad, in all his “wisdom,” had apparently decided that the best way to enjoy his dinner in peace was to lock my mother in the basement. Just so that she wouldn’t remind him to eat his veggies during a precious football game? He truly didn’t care about his cholesterol.
I called her back immediately, but it went straight to voicemail.
“Pick up, pick up, pick up!” I muttered.
A worried woman | Source: Midjourney
My brain went straight into overdrive. My mom never asked for help unless things were way beyond something she could do for herself. She was a woman who could handle herself. I mean, she’s lived with my father for years, so that had to count for something. But she was also a woman who was deeply afraid of the dark and confined places.
So now, she was locked in the basement and not answering her phone. Dad had really crossed a line with this one.
I texted her, but there was no response.
A woman sitting in a basement | Source: Midjourney
“Maybe her phone died, Annie,” I told myself. “She must be so afraid… and livid.”
I knew I had to get to her as soon as possible.
I grabbed my keys and bolted out of my apartment. I live about twenty minutes away from my parents, but I swear, I made it in twelve.
Car keys on a table | Source: Midjourney
The entire drive, I was fuming, and I already knew how this was going to end. My dad thought he was clever, but if there’s one thing I inherited from him, other than his eye color, it’s the ability to come up with a solid revenge plan.
“I can’t believe the nerve of this man,” I said to myself as I turned into our street.
When I got to the house, I didn’t even bother knocking. I had my spare key, so I let myself in. As soon as I stepped inside, I could hear the muffled sound of the TV blaring from the living room.
A woman in a car | Source: Midjourney
Classic Dad.
He was probably sitting there, stuffing his face with steak. It was a home routine—Saturdays meant steak for dinner. Little did he know, I was about to teach him a lesson, too.
I headed straight for the basement. Sure enough, the door was locked, but the key hung from the hook next to the door.
I knocked softly, and Mom’s relieved voice came through the wood.
A woman standing next to a door | Source: Midjourney
“Honey, is that you?” she whispered.
“Yeah, it’s me, Mom,” I said. “Hang tight, we’re getting you out of there.”
I unlocked the door, and when my mother stepped out, she didn’t even look mad. She just looked tired. But there was a glint in her eye, like she wanted to get revenge on my father, too.
“Dad’s still in the living room,” I said. “He didn’t even hear me come in.”
A frowning older woman | Source: Midjourney
“Oh? He’s still enjoying his victory, then?”
“Yeah, well, that’s going to be short-lived, Mom,” I said.
There’s one thing about my father: he loves his “throne.” It’s a ridiculous electric recliner that he spent way too much money on a few years ago. He loves it more than any person in the world, which is sad and pathetic, but true.
A man sitting on a recliner | Source: Midjourney
The chair has heated seats, a massage feature, and even USB ports. He treats it like it’s something sacred in our home.
Naturally, I aimed my revenge at it.
I told my mom the plan, and she laughed nervously. We crept toward the living room where Dad was zoned out, still glued to his game, digging into his dinner.
A woman laughing | Source: Midjourney
I quietly unplugged his precious chair from the wall. And the best part? This man didn’t even notice a thing. Then, with my mom watching, I pulled a little tube of super glue that I had taken from the kitchen.
I smeared it over the chair’s buttons, still absolutely perplexed that my father didn’t register that I was in the room, right next to him.
After that, Mom and I went back to the kitchen. We sat on the bar stools in silence as Mom opened a tub of cookies for us to nibble on.
A container of chocolate chip cookies | Source: Midjourney
Ten minutes later, the game went to half-time. We could hear Dad shift in his chair and he tried to press the recline button. Nothing happened. He frowned and pressed it again, harder this time.
Still nothing.
“What the heck?” he grumbled, fiddling with the controls. Then, I saw it. The moment when the realization hit him.
A man sitting on a recliner | Source: Midjourney
He started pulling at the armrests, trying to get up, but his hands were stuck. His face turned from confusion to full-on panic.
“What’s wrong, Frank?” Mom asked, strolling into the living room.
“The darn chair is broken!” he complained.
“Oh, really? Maybe because you overuse it. But wasn’t it fine before you locked me in the basement?” Mom asked.
My father’s eyes widened.
An expressionless woman | Source: Midjourney
“You didn’t… Wait! How did you get out?” he asked.
“Annie,” Mom said simply.
I stepped out from my spot in the kitchen, where I had been recording their conversation.
“Smile for the camera, Dad,” I said. “This is going in the family group chat!”
“You wouldn’t dare, Annie!” he barked at me, tugging helplessly at his stuck hands.
“Oh, but I would,” I said.
A man sitting in a recliner | Source: Midjourney
I pressed send, and the replies started rolling in soon. If there was one thing my father hated, it was being seen beyond his usual façade. He didn’t want people to see the real him. And this was him, an ugly person.
“I’m taking Mom home with me for the rest of the weekend,” I said. “You can figure out how to get yourself off your throne.”
Mom went upstairs to pack herself an overnight bag. I didn’t want to leave her with Dad. But I doubt he’ll be locking anyone in the basement anytime soon.
A smiling young woman | Source: Midjourney
What would you have done?
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