In blended families, it’s common for parents to have differing views on how to handle their children. Colleen’s husband continues to provide financial support to his 19-year-old daughter, who is pregnant and already a mother of two. Meanwhile, Colleen feels that her stepdaughter should not be coddled and needs to learn to take responsibility for her actions. This clash in parenting styles led to a situation that went terribly wrong, and Colleen has shared her story with us.
Here is Colleen’s letter:
Hi Colleen! Thank you for sharing your story with us. We’ve prepared 4 pieces of advice that we believe can help you.
Seek mediation or couples counseling.
Given the emotional and financial conflicts, involving a neutral third party could help. A mediator or counselor can facilitate a discussion between you and your husband to address the underlying issues.
This professional might help clarify each other’s perspectives, restore communication, and find a resolution that acknowledges both your concerns and your husband’s responsibilities.
Reevaluate financial decisions and transparency.
Consider discussing the financial decisions and future planning openly with your husband. Since you drained the shared savings account without his consent, it’s crucial to establish a clear, mutually agreed-upon approach to handling finances moving forward.
This might involve setting up separate accounts for personal expenditures and jointly managed accounts for shared expenses, ensuring that both parties are informed and agree on financial decisions.
Engage in a direct conversation with your stepdaughter.
It may be beneficial to address the situation directly with your stepdaughter. An honest conversation about her expectations and how her actions have impacted your relationship with her father could help clear misunderstandings.
Express your intentions and concerns, and listen to her perspective to potentially reach a better understanding and find common ground.
Consider moving out temporarily for reflection.
If the tension remains high and communication isn’t improving, temporarily moving out might provide space for both you and your husband to reflect on the situation. This physical distance could give you time to think about your relationship and future steps without the constant emotional strain.
Use this time to assess what you both need and whether there’s a path forward that respects both your needs and your husband’s.
Another stepmom dealing with tension is Claudia. When her 32-year-old stepdaughter lost her job and decided to move back in with her father, Claudia insisted that she pay rent. This decision led to an unexpected turn of events, and she reached out to us for advice. Read her story here.
A Man in Our Restaurant Shamed His Girlfriend for Being ‘Smart’ & Corrected Her Every Word – So, I Stepped In
As a waitress, I’ve heard countless mispronunciations of our international menu. But when I overheard Andrew “correcting” his girlfriend Amanda’s flawless Italian, German, and Mandarin, I just had to say something.
The Friday night rush at Flavors of the World restaurant always kept me on my toes. As a waitress, I loved the hustle and bustle, the clinking of glasses, and the hum of conversation.
But what I enjoyed most was listening to the diverse languages spoken by our patrons as they ordered from our international menu.
A waitress serving drinks at a restaurant | Source: Pexels
One couple in particular caught my attention: Amanda and Andrew. They were regulars, who came in every Friday without fail.
Amanda had her bright eyes and a gentle demeanor. She always impressed me with her linguistic abilities.
She’d order dishes in their native tongues, and her pronunciation was spot-on whether it was Mandarin, Spanish, Italian, or German.
“Buonasera [Good evening],” Amanda greeted me one evening. “Potrei avere gli gnocchi alla sorrentina, per favore [could I have the gnocchi alla sorrentina, please]?”
A plate of gnocchi | Source: Pexels
I smiled, appreciating her flawless Italian. “Certamente, signora. Ottima scelta [Certainly, ma’am. Excellent choice]!”
Andrew, on the other hand, was a different story. Tall and conventionally handsome, he carried himself with an air of superiority that set my teeth on edge.
Every time Amanda spoke, he’d interrupt, “correcting” her pronunciations with his own butchered versions.
A woman looking sad at a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
“It’s not ‘nyocky,’” he’d say, rolling his eyes. “It’s ‘guh-nocky.’ Honestly, Amanda, you sound ridiculous.”
I’d bite my tongue, not wanting to be rude and possibly reduce my tip.
Amanda would always shrink a little at his words. “I’m sorry, Andrew. I thought –”
“No, you didn’t think,” he’d cut her off. “Just order like a normal person next time, okay?”
An angry looking man at a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
This pattern repeated week after week. Amanda would order beautifully in whatever language the dish originated from, and Andrew would belittle her efforts.
“Ich hätte gerne das Wiener Schnitzel, bitte [I would like the Wiener Schnitzel, please],” Amanda said one night in impeccable German.
“It’s ‘weiner snitchel,’ Amanda,” Andrew scoffed, bothering the name of the typical Austrian dish. “Stop trying to sound fancy.”
A plate of Wiener Schnitzel | Source: Pexels
I watched as Amanda’s confidence dwindled with each passing week, and it broke my heart to see such talent and passion being stifled.
This particular Friday was different for some reason.
Amanda’s usual smile was strained as she and Andrew walked in. But I quickly realized why.
Behind them trailed an older couple I hadn’t seen before, but the family resemblance was clear. Andrew’s parents.
An older couple walking into a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
I approached their table with a notepad in hand. “Good evening, folks. What can I get you tonight?”
Amanda glanced at the menu, then at Andrew, before speaking softly. “I’ll have the pho ga, please.”
“It’s ‘foe guh,’ Amanda. God, do you have to be so pretentious all the time?”
Amanda’s cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry, I just –”
An upset woman at a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
“Don’t mind her,” Andrew cut in, addressing his parents. “She thinks she’s so smart, always showing off.”
His mother tutted sympathetically. “Oh, sweetie,” she said to Amanda, “are you always such a bragger? Can’t you speak normally?”
I gripped my pen tighter and felt my knuckles whitening. Amanda looked like she wanted to disappear.
Andrew leaned into her ear but whispered loud enough for me to hear. “Stop shaming me. Talk like a normal person.”
A man at a restaurant leaning close to a woman | Source: Midjourney
When tears welled in Amanda’s eyes, I knew I couldn’t stand by any longer.
“Nín hǎo [Hello],” I said, addressing Andrew in Mandarin. “Qǐng bùyào rúcǐ cūlǔ de duìdài nín de nǚpéngyǒu [Please do not treat your girlfriend so rudely].”
Andrew’s jaw dropped. Amanda’s head snapped up, surprise replacing the hurt in her eyes.
“Xièxiè nǐ [Thank you],” Amanda replied, her Mandarin flowing smoothly. “Zhè duì wǒ yìyì zhòngdà [This means a lot to me].”
A woman at a restaurant looking up and smiling | Source: Midjourney
Andrew and his parents exchanged bewildered glances. “What’s going on?” he demanded. “What are you saying?”
“Oh, I was just asking you not to treat your girlfriend so rudely. And Amanda was thanking me, saying it means a lot to her,” I answered sweetly.
“I don’t believe you!” he accused me. “You’re making that up. You’re insulting us!”
“Son,” his father interjected, “maybe you should –”
An older man looking upset at a restaurant | Source: Pexels
“No!” Andrew slammed his hand on the table. “She’s lying. She has to be. Amanda, what did she say?”
Amanda sat up straighter, and her eyes sparkled. Something had changed. “She’s not lying, Andrew. And neither am I when I pronounce words correctly in other languages.”
“But… but I thought…” Andrew sputtered.
A man confused and surprised at a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
“You thought wrong,” Amanda said firmly. “I’ve spent years studying languages. Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make it wrong or shameful.”
“So what, you’re some kind of genius now? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No,” Amanda replied. “I’m just someone who loves languages and has worked hard to learn them. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
A notebook and a book with notes on learning Spanish | Source: Pexels
Andrew’s mother chimed in, obviously embarrassed by the scene they were causing. “Sweetie, don’t you think it’s a bit… much? Always showing off like this?”
“It’s not showing off to use the skills you’ve worked hard to acquire” Amanda retorted. “Would you say the same thing to a musician playing an instrument well?”
“Well, I… that’s different.”
“How?” Amanda challenged. “How is it different?”
A woman with a raised eyebrow at a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
Andrew’s father cleared his throat. “Now, let’s all calm down. I’m sure we can-“
“No, Dad,” Andrew cut in. “I want to hear this. Go on, Amanda. Tell us how smart you are.”
I watched in anticipation as Amanda took a deep breath. “This isn’t about being smart or bragging! It’s about respect. Respect for other cultures, for the effort people put into learning, and for me as a person.”
A smiling waitress | Source: Pexels
“Respect?” Andrew scoffed. “What about respecting me? Do you know how embarrassing it is when you start spouting off in some foreign language?”
“Embarrassing for whom?” Amanda shot back. “For you? Because you can’t understand it? Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t with me speaking other languages but with your reaction to it?”
The restaurant had grown quiet as other diners watched the scene unfold. Andrew’s mother cleared her throat awkwardly. “Perhaps we should go somewhere else.”
A busy restaurant | Source: Pexels
“I think that’s a good idea,” Amanda agreed and stood. “And I’ll be going home. Alone!” She turned to me. “Thank you for your kindness. Grazie mille. Danke schön. Muchas gracias!”
With that, she walked out and held her head high. I smiled and waited.
Andrew and his parents shuffled out soon after with their tails between their legs.
A restaurant door | Source: Pexels
The following Friday, I was surprised to see Amanda walk in alone. She looked different, somehow lighter, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
“Table for one?” I asked.
She nodded, smiling. “Yes, please. And I’d love to chat if you have a moment.”
Once I’d seated her and taken her order, I pulled up a chair. “How are you doing?”
A seated woman smiling | Source: Pexels
“Better than I have in a long time,” Amanda admitted. “I broke up with Andrew the day after… well, you know.”
I nodded encouragingly. “That must have been tough.”
“It was, but it was also liberating. I realized I’d been living in fear of his judgment for so long. When I told him it was over, he couldn’t believe it.”
“What did he say?” I asked, curious.
A blonde woman smiling | Source: Pexels
“He said, ‘You’re making a mistake, Amanda. Who’s going to put up with your show-off behavior?’ Can you believe that?” Amanda shook her head. “I told him, ‘Someone who appreciates intelligence and curiosity! Someone unlike you.’”
I grinned. “Good for you! How did that feel?”
“Terrifying and exhilarating all at once,” Amanda laughed. “But you know what? Your intervention made me realize how much I’d been diminishing myself to make him comfortable. I’d forgotten how much joy I found in languages, and in learning about different cultures. I’d let him convince me it was something to be ashamed of.”
A smiling woman at a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
“I’m glad I could help,” I said. “No one should make you feel small for being passionate about something.”
Amanda’s eyes shone. “Absolutely. And you know what? I’ve decided to apply for a job as a translator. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do but never dared to pursue.”
“That’s fantastic!” I exclaimed. “Where are you applying?”
A blonde woman at a restaurant | Source: Pexels
“There’s an international non-profit organization that works with refugees. They need translators who can speak multiple languages fluently. It’s perfect for me.”
As we continued talking, switching between languages with ease, I marveled at the change in Amanda. She radiated confidence and enthusiasm, and just because I stepped in at last.
When it was time for me to get back to work, Amanda reached out and squeezed my hand. “Thank you again. For everything.”
Hand shake at a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
I squeezed back. “Anytime and good luck!”
Sometimes, all it takes is one small act of kindness to help someone find their self-confidence again. And in a world full of different languages and cultures, all voices deserve to be heard, loud and clear.
A smiling woman at an office | Source: Midjourney
Leave a Reply