I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
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I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
“You thought what? That I could ‘improve’ myself like some project?” My voice was calm, but the hurt behind it was real. “Jake, marriage isn’t about lists or routines. It’s about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, you’ll be paying a hell of a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
Silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable. Jake’s face softened, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound sensible, but now I see it’s… it’s toxic. Oh God, I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded, watching him carefully. “Yes, you have. Honestly, have you looked at Steve’s life? What makes you think he has the life experience to give you advice about marriage? Or anything else?”
The look on his face as my words hit home was priceless.
“You’re right. And he could never afford to live like this.” He slapped the list with the back of his hand. “He… he has no idea about the costs involved, or how demeaning this is. Oh, Lisa, I got carried away again, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but we’ll recover. Now, let’s tear that paper up and go back to being equals.”
He smiled weakly, the tension breaking just a little. “Yeah… let’s do that.”
We ripped up the list together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team.
Maybe this was what we needed, a reminder that marriage isn’t about one person being “better” than the other. It’s about being better together.
DWTS fans blast Gene Simmons for ‘cringey’ comments: ‘worst guest judge’
Fans of Dancing with the Stars are expressing their shock over Gene Simmons using his position as a guest judge to “sexualize women.”
The 75-year-old KISS frontman, known for his larger-than-life stage presence and persona, joined the show to critique the contestants on Hair Metal Night as they danced to iconic rock anthems from the 1980s.
But audiences are now demanding the network “issue an apology” for “putting a creep on the show,” and for providing him a platform to voice his “cringe-worthy” and “sexist” comments.
On the Tuesday, October 9 episode of Dancing with the Stars, KISS rocker Gene Simmons raised quite a few eyebrows with his controversial guest appearance.
As part of the show’s Hair Metal Night, Simmons joined regular judges Carrie Ann Inaba, Derek Hough, and Bruno Tonioli to critique the celebrity dancers.
Despite the high energy of the nostalgia-filled performance set to hits like Cherry Pie and Rock You Like a Hurricane, Simmons’ sexually suggestive remarks overshadowed the night for many fans.
While his rock persona has long been associated with pushing boundaries, many felt his behavior wasn’t suited for the lighthearted nature of the competition series.
Throughout the episode, Simmons, 75, made several remarks that focused less on the dancing and more on the female dancer’s looks, which many viewers call “creepy.”
After former NFL wide receiver Danny Amendola and Witney Carson hit the dance floor, “The Demon” said he couldn’t figure out who was more “hot hot hot.”
“Danny, I’m telling you, you’re right next to somebody – one of the most beautiful women on the planet. She makes you look good. Buddy, you gotta hit the gym. You gotta get in there,” added Simmons.
And then, referring to Emma Slater who was dancing with actor Reginald VelJohnson dancer, he said: “You’ve got a beautiful woman right beside you, who can twist it and turn it, and knows how to move it and, you know, all that.”
The rock legend also had words for VelJohnson. “I wanna tell you, as a guy that’s been on the stage for half a century around the world, I’m kind of a big deal, Reggie,” Simmons said. “It’s all in the attitude and you’ve got something in that beautiful face, they love you!”
Perhaps one of his cringiest remarks was directed to actor-singer Chandler Kinney. Explaining that her moves “fogged up” his glasses, Simmons removed his dark shades and said, “You moved me, not just with your gyrations and so on, but your beautiful face and how you were into the emotion of it – top to bottom.”
He did however offer one relevant opinion to Kinney when he praised her talents, noting that she has a “big future” ahead of her.
Social media quickly filled with backlash, with many expressing their discomfort and frustration. Some viewers even went as far as to call him the “worst guest judge” in the show’s 33-season run.
“I usually like Gene Simmons and think he’s funny. But that was not the case as a guest judge. Very inappropriate and just not helpful,” writes one cyber fan on the DWTS Facebook site.
A second shares, “It was uncomfortable for us watching, can’t even imagine how the women felt. And he wasn’t scoring dances, he was just giving out random numbers.”
Gene was a bust! His comments and feedback were inappropriate along with the scores.”
A third critic adds, “His comments on all the girls was cringe!”
Another user calls Simmons “vulgar” and says he’s “the worst judge ever
Meanwhile, other online citizens are calling out ABC and Disney+, suggesting the network and streaming service apologize to fans of DWTS.
“Y’all owe the biggest apology to your fanbase (which is primarily women) & the dancers for putting that creep on your show and allowing for him to sexualize them on live TV,” one netizen writes on Facebook.
A second pens, “They need to apologize for having Gene Simmons. It was cringe-worthy. His comments were sexist, and he was just awful.”
“But they had a felon on the show this season,” adds another user, who’s referring to Anna Delvey (Sorokin), the convicted fraudster who sparked a lot of controversy with her appearance on September 17, the first episode of the DWTS season.
What do you think of DWTS decision in having Simmons as a guest judge? Please let us know what you think and then share this story so we can hear what others have to say!
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