According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Adopted Girl’s Tears Over Her First Birthday Cake Lead to a Shocking Visitor the Next Day
Melanie was a six-year-old girl who had always wanted a family. She had been in foster care since she was two years old, too young to remember her real parents.
She often thought about them and wondered, “Who were they? Did they love me?” These thoughts made her sad, and she’d ask herself, “Why didn’t they want me?” But despite her sadness, Melanie never gave up hope.
Then one day, something amazing happened, something Melanie had been praying for.
A social worker visited Melanie one day, bringing a young couple with her. The man winked at Melanie with a grin, and the woman had the kindest eyes Melanie had ever seen.
“This is Gordon and Helen,” the social worker said, “and they want to adopt you.”
“They do?” Melanie gasped, then looked at them and asked, “Why do you want to do that?”
Gordon was surprised by the question, but Helen knelt down to Melanie’s level and said, “We want to adopt you because we think you’re the nicest, funniest, and prettiest girl in New York City.”
Melanie smiled brightly and hugged Helen. She finally had a family that wanted and loved her just the way she was.
Living with Gordon and Helen, Melanie found out that having parents was both wonderful and difficult. It was great to have two people always caring for her, but it was tough because they noticed when she didn’t do her homework or did something she shouldn’t.
In her foster home, it was easy to get away with things since there were so many kids. But in a real family, people paid attention because they cared. Melanie realized this was a good thing, and when Helen asked her to clean her room, she hugged her and said, “Thank you!”
Helen laughed and said, “I should tell you off more often, Melanie!”
“Yes, please!” Melanie replied. “Then I’ll know you care.”
Six months passed, and the little family grew closer. They learned about each other’s habits—Melanie knew to be quiet in the mornings because Gordon worked night shifts, and Gordon stopped scaring her with plastic spiders after learning she was genuinely scared.
Helen discovered both Gordon and Melanie loved peanut butter cookies, and they’d all sit together on the porch, eating them as fast as they could.
Life was happy, but then something bad happened. Gordon got hurt at work and had to stay in the hospital for weeks. Helen became more worried as the bills piled up.
Melanie noticed and would often comfort Helen at night, sneaking into her bed to give her a hug. “Thank God for you, Melanie,” Helen would say softly.
Thankfully, Gordon recovered and came home, though he had to use crutches. But soon, medical bills arrived, and Helen looked more and more worried. “We’ll sort it out,” Gordon said, trying to stay calm.
“Our savings are gone,” Helen whispered. “What if Melanie needs something, and we don’t have the money?”
Gordon reassured her, saying, “Trust in God.” Then, turning to Melanie, he joked, “Hey, I think there are some peanut butter cookies hiding on the top shelf.”
One morning, Melanie woke up to a loud noise—a party whistle in her ear! She opened her eyes to see her room full of balloons. Gordon and Helen were standing by her bed, wearing silly hats and yelling, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Melanie smiled. “I forgot it was my birthday!”
“Come on,” said Gordon. “There’s a surprise!”
In the dining room, a big banner read “Happy Birthday, Melanie!” and on the table was the most beautiful birthday cake she had ever seen.
“Is this for me?” she whispered, amazed. She saw her name on the cake, surrounded by stars.
“It has my name on it!” Melanie cried and burst into tears.
Gordon and Helen were worried. “Why are you crying?” Gordon asked gently.
“I’ve never had a birthday cake before!” Melanie sobbed. “Does this mean you love me? Really, really love me?”
Gordon and Helen hugged her tightly. “Of course we love you!” Helen said. “We chose YOU!”
It was the best birthday Melanie had ever had, and even though she ate too much cake and got a little sick, it was a day filled with happiness.
The next morning, the family was getting ready for church when there was a knock at the door. A tall man stood there. “Are you Melanie’s adoptive mother?” he asked Helen.
“Yes,” Helen replied. “Who are you?”
“I’m a friend of her birth father,” the man said. “I’d like to see her.”
“You can’t take her away!” Helen cried, panicking.
“I’m not here to take her,” the man said gently. “I just want to talk to her.”
Helen and Gordon sat nearby, holding hands, while the man spoke to Melanie. “My dear,” he began, “your mommy and daddy loved you very much. But your mom went to heaven when you were a baby, and soon after, your dad got very sick.”
Melanie listened carefully. “Your dad wanted to make sure you were taken care of, so he asked me to sell everything he had for you.”
The man handed Melanie a piece of paper. “He wanted you to have this when you turned eighteen, or when you were adopted by a loving family. I believe Gordon and Helen love you very much, so I’m giving this to you now.”
Melanie gave the paper to Helen, who started crying. It was a check for $40,000. Melanie’s birth family had left her a gift that came at just the right time, helping her new family when they needed it the most!
Source: Pexels
A social worker visited Melanie one day, bringing a young couple with her. The man winked at Melanie with a grin, and the woman had the kindest eyes Melanie had ever seen.
“This is Gordon and Helen,” the social worker said, “and they want to adopt you.”
“They do?” Melanie gasped, then looked at them and asked, “Why do you want to do that?”
Gordon was surprised by the question, but Helen knelt down to Melanie’s level and said, “We want to adopt you because we think you’re the nicest, funniest, and prettiest girl in New York City.”
Melanie smiled brightly and hugged Helen. She finally had a family that wanted and loved her just the way she was.
Living with Gordon and Helen, Melanie found out that having parents was both wonderful and difficult. It was great to have two people always caring for her, but it was tough because they noticed when she didn’t do her homework or did something she shouldn’t.
In her foster home, it was easy to get away with things since there were so many kids. But in a real family, people paid attention because they cared. Melanie realized this was a good thing, and when Helen asked her to clean her room, she hugged her and said, “Thank you!”
Helen laughed and said, “I should tell you off more often, Melanie!”
“Yes, please!” Melanie replied. “Then I’ll know you care.”
Six months passed, and the little family grew closer. They learned about each other’s habits—Melanie knew to be quiet in the mornings because Gordon worked night shifts, and Gordon stopped scaring her with plastic spiders after learning she was genuinely scared.
Helen discovered both Gordon and Melanie loved peanut butter cookies, and they’d all sit together on the porch, eating them as fast as they could.
Life was happy, but then something bad happened. Gordon got hurt at work and had to stay in the hospital for weeks. Helen became more worried as the bills piled up.
Melanie noticed and would often comfort Helen at night, sneaking into her bed to give her a hug. “Thank God for you, Melanie,” Helen would say softly.
Thankfully, Gordon recovered and came home, though he had to use crutches. But soon, medical bills arrived, and Helen looked more and more worried. “We’ll sort it out,” Gordon said, trying to stay calm.
“Our savings are gone,” Helen whispered. “What if Melanie needs something, and we don’t have the money?”
Gordon reassured her, saying, “Trust in God.” Then, turning to Melanie, he joked, “Hey, I think there are some peanut butter cookies hiding on the top shelf.”
One morning, Melanie woke up to a loud noise—a party whistle in her ear! She opened her eyes to see her room full of balloons. Gordon and Helen were standing by her bed, wearing silly hats and yelling, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Melanie smiled. “I forgot it was my birthday!”
“Come on,” said Gordon. “There’s a surprise!”
In the dining room, a big banner read “Happy Birthday, Melanie!” and on the table was the most beautiful birthday cake she had ever seen.
“Is this for me?” she whispered, amazed. She saw her name on the cake, surrounded by stars.
“It has my name on it!” Melanie cried and burst into tears.
Gordon and Helen were worried. “Why are you crying?” Gordon asked gently.
“I’ve never had a birthday cake before!” Melanie sobbed. “Does this mean you love me? Really, really love me?”
Gordon and Helen hugged her tightly. “Of course we love you!” Helen said. “We chose YOU!”
It was the best birthday Melanie had ever had, and even though she ate too much cake and got a little sick, it was a day filled with happiness.
The next morning, the family was getting ready for church when there was a knock at the door. A tall man stood there. “Are you Melanie’s adoptive mother?” he asked Helen.
“Yes,” Helen replied. “Who are you?”
“I’m a friend of her birth father,” the man said. “I’d like to see her.”
“You can’t take her away!” Helen cried, panicking.
“I’m not here to take her,” the man said gently. “I just want to talk to her.”
Helen and Gordon sat nearby, holding hands, while the man spoke to Melanie. “My dear,” he began, “your mommy and daddy loved you very much. But your mom went to heaven when you were a baby, and soon after, your dad got very sick.”
Melanie listened carefully. “Your dad wanted to make sure you were taken care of, so he asked me to sell everything he had for you.”
The man handed Melanie a piece of paper. “He wanted you to have this when you turned eighteen, or when you were adopted by a loving family. I believe Gordon and Helen love you very much, so I’m giving this to you now.”
Melanie gave the paper to Helen, who started crying. It was a check for $40,000. Melanie’s birth family had left her a gift that came at just the right time, helping her new family when they needed it the most!
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