Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
The day after my fiancé disappeared from our wedding, I spotted him signing documents in my father’s office
I knew how much my fiancé loved me until he didn’t show up at the altar on our wedding day. A day later, I saw him signing papers in my father’s office without me knowing what it was about.
Brian and I visited our favorite fine-dining restaurant on the night of our sixth anniversary as a couple. He seemed very nervous, and I kept wondering why. “What’s wrong, Brian? Are you alright?” I asked him as he shifted in his seat a couple of times while looking behind me.
He nodded and tried his best to smile. “Yeah, of course, I’m okay,” he assured me. “It’s our anniversary and I couldn’t be happier.”
I smiled at his answer and proceeded to look at the menu. I had memorized the menu from all the times we’d been at the restaurant, but I still looked look over it for old time’s sake. By the time I looked up from the menu, I got the surprise of my life.
Brian was on one knee, and there was a group of musicians behind him, playing soft, romantic music with their violins. “Jane, honey. We’ve been together for six years now, and I’m more than certain that I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Brian declared. “Would you do me the honor of being my wife?” he asked.
I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands. “Of course, yes!” I said, jumping from my seat to give Brian a hug. I looked at the beautiful solitaire ring that Brian slipped on my finger and realized how long it would have taken him to save up for something so big and beautiful.
The following day, I went to visit my parents to let them know that Brian had proposed. My mom was delighted for me and gave me a big hug. However, my dad’s reaction was another story.
“You can’t possibly be happy marrying that man, Jane,” he told me. “What will become of you and your children? Will he even afford to buy you a house? To put your kids through private school?” he started to ask.
“Dad, how could you say that? Brian works hard, and I’m working too. We’ll figure it out together as every married couple does!” I shot back.
“How long did it take him to save up for that ring, anyway? As if that’s supposed to convince me that he can take care of you. If I were you, I’d give that ring back and call the wedding off. It’s not too late, Jane. There are many wealthy bachelors I can introduce you to – men that I can actually entrust my daughter and the future of my business with,” he told me.
I scoffed in disbelief, knowing all my dad ever cared about was money. I shook my head and left the house before I could say anything I’d regret.
Brian and I planned our wedding alone, with subtle help from my mom. Three months of preparation passed, and it was finally time for the big day.
Before the ceremony, Brian couldn’t find his sister and his niece. “Where are they?” he asked his mother. Reluctantly, Brian’s mom revealed that his niece Maxine had to be taken to the hospital for an emergency operation on her heart problem.
“Your sister’s been trying to find people she can borrow money from,” his mom told him. “The hospital won’t start on the operation unless they give a downpayment, but Maxine just doesn’t have that much time left. They need to start the operation as soon as they can.”
Without a second thought, Brian decided to approach my dad to ask for help. “Sir, I know this is going to sound bad, but I was wondering if you could lend me money for my niece’s operation. I had just spent most of what’s in my account on the wedding,” Brian admitted.
I decided to have a cup of coffee at a nearby coffee shop when I suddenly saw Brian looking around the area before entering my dad’s office building.
“I promise, I will pay you back in a month. I just need to get through the month before I get my paycheck,” he asked.
My father shook his head. “I knew you were up to no good,” he scoffed. “But yes, I will help you, on one condition,” he told Brian.
“What is it, sir? I’ll do anything,” Brian said without hesitation.
“You don’t need to pay me back for the money, but you need to disappear from Jane’s life. Run away, and never come back,” he declared.
Brian’s heart twitched upon hearing about my father’s condition. However, he remembered what his mom said about Maxine not having much time left, so he reluctantly agreed. It was his only chance to save his niece’s life.
A couple of minutes later, I was at the altar, weeping. Brian didn’t show up to the wedding, and everyone was trying to console me. “What happened? We were okay yesterday,” I cried. “Where did he go?” I kept asking, after hearing from guests that Brian was at the church earlier that morning.
The following day, my dad asked to meet me at his office. I was supposed to meet him in an hour and a half, but I arrived early.
I decided to have a cup of coffee at a nearby coffee shop when I suddenly saw Brian looking around the area before entering my dad’s office building. “What is he doing here?” I asked myself before deciding to follow him.
By the time I got the bill at the coffee shop, Brian had already entered the elevator. I had a feeling that he was on the way to my dad’s office, so I hurried up the next elevator to see what it was all about.
When I arrived, I saw Brian, my dad, and my dad’s lawyer in the same room. Because the glass windows were soundproof, I could not hear what they were talking about. Instead, I watched my dad’s lawyer hand Brian some papers, which he signed before shaking hands with the other men in the room.
I couldn’t stop myself from barging in at that point. “What is this?! What are those papers and why are you here?!” I yelled.
My dad had a smug look on his face as if telling me he knew this would happen all along. “Your groom here just agreed not to see you ever again in exchange for money,” he told me.
I looked at Brian with the most painful look of betrayal. “Is that true?” I said, trying not to choke from the tightening in my throat that came after hearing what my dad had said.
“I’m sorry, Jane. It’s Maxine. She’s dying, and she needs an expensive operation to save her life,” Brian cried. “Yesterday, I asked your dad for help, and he said he’d help me if I didn’t attend the wedding. I’m sorry, Jane. I can’t bear losing my niece,” he sobbed.
“He just signed the agreement that he would never show up in your life ever again. If you hadn’t shown up, the papers stated that he would not be allowed to tell you the truth, either. But now that you’re here, I guess it’s better for you to know that he replaced your relationship for money,” my dad said, slamming the papers on the table.
“How could you do this to me?!” I yelled at my dad. “My life is not some toy you can just play with! You ruined my relationship, and you ruined what was supposed to be the best day of my life!” I cried.
“What kind of father are you?! I never want to see you again,” I said before leaving his office.
I could feel my knees grow weak, and before I could even reach the elevator, I collapsed on the floor, crying. “Why?” I cried to nobody in particular. It was then that I felt Brian’s arms wrap around me.
“I’m sorry, Jane,” he cried. “I love you with all my heart, but I also couldn’t allow Maxine to die. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
“You are the kindest, most selfless man I know,” I told Brian. “I know you only meant well. But I hope you had told me instead of going to my dad. That way, we still could have continued our wedding, and we could have helped Maxine together.”
Brian nodded and sighed upon realizing his mistake. “I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t at the church yet, and your dad was the first one I saw when I heard the news. I’m sorry, Jane,” he apologized to me.
“I understand if you never want to see me again, but I wish you could give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you. I really do, Jane,” he tried to assure me.
“I know you do, Brian, and I love you just as much,” I replied.
That day, we decided to talk about our lives and what we could do moving forward. We visited Maxine at the hospital and paid for the surgery after getting refunds from our wedding suppliers. Maxine successfully underwent surgery, and she once again became the lively, loving girl we all once knew.
Three months passed, and Brian and I decided to start a new life together. We moved to a different city to start fresh, and I decided to cut my dad out of my life for good.
“I hope you understand why I had to do this, mom,” I said when I told my mom my decision of keeping away from dad. “It’s for my own good. He was too toxic for me, and I just couldn’t take it.”
It pained my mom to hear this, but she completely understood where I was coming from. “I will always be here for you, dear,” she assured me. “Please visit me, and always keep in touch. I can’t bear not seeing you for a long time.”
With my mom’s blessing, Brian and I got married in a simple celebration. Only my mom, his parents, a few of our close friends, and his sister and niece were in attendance.
Before leaving town, Brian and I mailed the check my dad had issued back to him. Since then, I never heard from him again. After quitting my job at the family company, he blocked my credit cards and any chance of receiving an inheritance.
With the money I had saved up for years and with Brian’s, too, we were able to buy a small house in the suburbs. I got a job at another company, and together, we worked hard to raise our three children in a loving environment.
What can we learn from this story?
Never let money get in the way of your relationship. Jane’s dad thought getting Brian away from her would be as simple as giving her money. However, when Jane found out the truth about what her dad did, she was angrier with him than with Brian, as she knew Brian was in a difficult situation that left him with no choice but to agree to her dad’s wishes.
Always be honest with your spouse and work through life’s challenges together. When Jane found out the truth, all she wanted was for Brian to have told her the truth, to begin with. That way, they could have avoided what happened at the wedding and continued on. Ultimately, they were able to work through their issues and work together to save Maxine and start a new life together without her dad in the picture.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
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