Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
Man Kicks Out Brother After He Brought His Kids to His Wedding – Story of the Day
I kicked my brother out of the wedding hall after he went against my decision and brought his kids to the wedding. But I’m not ashamed of it. I think it was the right decision.
My wife, Laura, and I got married days ago, and we had decided to keep the wedding children-free. To be honest, I thought that was the best decision. So when I was sending out the invites, I made sure the message was clear to everyone.
To some extent, I was sure that everyone would respect my decision and won’t bring their kids to the wedding. But there was one person I wasn’t sure of, and that was my 36-year-old brother David.
David got married at a young age and has four kids. Like every parent, those kids mean the world to him, so he takes them everywhere he and his wife go.
And trust me when I say that the kids are with him everywhere because I hadn’t witnessed even one family event in twenty-eight years of my life when David and his wife attended an event without them.
So, unlike other guests, I gave the wedding invite to him in person and even read it out loud to make sure David didn’t miss the little note at the bottom. “Kids are not allowed. Sorry for the inconvenience,” I finished reading.
“Child-free, huh?” David added in a sarcastic tone.
“Well, yeah. I think that’s the best decision!” I replied instantly.
David glared at me. “Are you out of your mind, Richard? My kids have never been excluded from any event, big or small, let alone their own uncle’s wedding!”
Ramsey seemed upset when I told him kids weren’t allowed | Photo: Pexels
“I’m sorry, David,” I said after a little pause, “but it’s already been decided, and everyone has to follow the rules!”
David didn’t say anything after that. I thought he was pissed at me, so I was about to apologize again, but then he spoke up. “I get it, man, no children means no children, no worries. I won’t bring my kids!”
I was relieved David didn’t get into a fight about it and seemed to accept the rule. However, I had a hard time believing he would agree to my request so quickly. Who’d have guessed my suspicions would turn out to be true?
A week later, the wedding day came. Almost everyone in the family arrived except David and his wife. I began thinking David was furious with me because I had refused to let him bring his children to the wedding.
So I decided to phone him and apologize. But just as I was about to dial the number, my best man informed me that David and his children had arrived.
I was burning with anger, and I went straight to meet him at the entrance. I greeted the kids and asked my sister-in-law to take them back to the car. When they left, I lashed out at David.
I stopped Ramsey at the entrance | Photo: Pexels
“You can’t enter, David,” I said. “Kids are not allowed in here!”
“Calm down, Richard,” David retorted. “It’s not like your wedding will be ruined because of my kids. Why are you acting like that?”
I was furious. “Acting like that?! Didn’t I tell you about it before?”
“You did, Richard, but I didn’t think you were serious. They’re just kids, after all. You’re not going to kick me out of the hall just because I didn’t follow the rules, right?” David responded.
“Well, I can. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, David! ” I yelled at the top of my voice.
David looked at me angrily. “You’re a lunatic, I swear. I mean, who does that to their brother?”
“I don’t want to explain anything to you now. Please leave!” I almost yelled at him.
I kicked Ramsey out of the wedding hall | Photo: Unsplash
“You know what, Richard? You’re an awful uncle and brother for sure, but you’re a simp too! I’m sure it’s your lovely Laura who has brainwashed you like this! If I were in your place, I wouldn’t have married a pathetic woman!” David said and walked away.
I was even more enraged by David’s snide remarks about Laura, and I wanted to stop him and lash out at him once more. However, our last quarrel was humiliating and loud enough for all guests, including my in-laws, to gaze at us.
My mother had to step in to calm the situation by persuading me to let it go and invite David and his family to the wedding. But I stood firm in my refusal. I was adamant about my decision and paid no attention to what others had to say.
But since that day, everyone hated me and sided with David, claiming I betrayed him and his family by acting coldly towards them when all they wanted to do was celebrate the occasion with my wife and me.
I am sad that everyone in the family hates me | Photo: Pexels
My father was furious with me for potentially and permanently destroying my relationship with David, his wife, and their children by excluding them from my wedding. David will never forget that day, he said. But first, let me explain why I did it.
I used to work for Laura’s dad’s company. He and his wife tragically died in a car accident. I was just one of the employees attending the funeral when I saw Laura for the first time.
A few days after the funeral, as I was on my way to the cabin, I met Laura at the office. She had come to collect some documents.
When I saw her, all I could think of was how sad she was during the funeral. So I asked her if she was doing well. I don’t know why but after talking to her that day, I felt like I wanted to learn more about her.
Luckily, we began meeting each other often, especially after Laura took over her dad’s position and came to the office every day. And before we realized it, we were in love.
I fell in love with Clara at the first sight | Photo: Pexels
Laura had returned to regular life somehow, but her trauma from her parents’ death remained severe, and she was undergoing treatment for that. Laura’s therapist had warned me not to do anything that might cause her mental distress.
We had gone to see a gynecologist just a few weeks before the wedding because Laura wanted to talk about her health issues and see if there would be any complications with her pregnancy. Sadly, it turned out that Laura could never become a mother.
If Laura knew this, she wouldn’t be able to bear it because she wanted to give birth and have a family. So I decided to hide the truth from her until her therapist gave me the green light. But Laura learned about it, and as I had expected, she was devastated.
I decided not to allow children to attend our wedding because I knew Laura would be even more upset if she saw them. She had even planned a court wedding because she didn’t want such a lavish wedding after receiving the sad news. But I knew she always wanted the wedding to be like this since she talked about it from the beginning of our relationship.
Clara was devastated when she learned she couldn’t give birth | Photo: Pexels
Yes, I could have told my brother the real reason, but trust me, he’s not good with secrets, and my family is such that if people knew Laura was taking therapy sessions and now couldn’t become a mother, they wouldn’t accept our relationship. So I think what I did was right.
You can hate me for what I did, but I love Laura, and I will do anything to keep her happy.
What can we learn from this story?
- Sometimes you have to lose something to gain something. Richard ruined his relationship with his brother because he wanted to save Laura from further depression.
- If you love someone, you stay with them through the good and bad. Just as Richard stayed by Laura’s side every time.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about an arrogant doctor who kicked a poor woman out of a luxury clinic.
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