Hello everyone, my name is Calvin, and I’m 29 years old. Today, I want to share an experience that might sound rather unusual but it certainly opened my eyes to some underlying issues in my relationship.
My girlfriend, Sarah, who is 27, invited me to her friend’s birthday dinner at a fancy downtown restaurant. I was looking forward to a pleasant evening, but it unexpectedly turned into a very uncomfortable and insightful event.
Sarah and I have experienced our fair share of ups and downs, particularly around the topic of finances and dating. Traditionally, I have taken on the responsibility of paying for most of our dates, which seemed appropriate and was mutually agreeable at the beginning of our relationship.
This arrangement even extended to times when Sarah invited friends along; I would happily cover everyone’s expenses. Although it started as a small gesture, it later became a significant point of contention.
The incident occurred last Friday when Sarah texted me about joining her for her friend’s birthday celebration at a posh restaurant. I agreed, dressed up, and joined the party, which was lively and enjoyable initially.
However, as the evening progressed, I noticed the orders were becoming extravagant. I whispered to myself about the impending high cost as our table filled with expensive wines and deluxe meals.
As the bill approached, I discreetly told Sarah that I would take care of our share, believing this to be a generous offer. Surprisingly, Sarah asked, “Aren’t you going to pay for everyone? It would be the gentlemanly thing to do.”
I was taken aback by her suggestion. The table was filled with more than ten women, most of whom I barely knew. Paying for everyone seemed unreasonable. I calmly suggested, “I think it’s only fair if I cover our portion.”
The atmosphere became tense. Sylvia, the birthday girl, noticing the awkwardness, graciously intervened. “It’s okay, Calvin,” she reassured me with a smile. “I’ll handle the rest.”
Despite Sylvia’s intervention, I paid for Sarah and myself, and Sylvia covered the remaining bill. The tension was palpable as we left, and the ride home was uncomfortably silent.
The silence eventually broke when Sarah exploded with anger over my decision. “You’re an embarrassment! You had to pay for everyone; you’re a MAN!” she exclaimed, clearly upset and disappointed.
Feeling a mix of anger and disbelief, I responded, “It’s unfair to expect me to pay for everyone at a dinner to which I was merely invited.”
Sarah’s anger didn’t subside. “It’s not just about the dinner! It’s about stepping up, being a man! Everyone expected you to take charge, and you embarrassed me in front of them all! I can’t be with someone so weak,” she argued vehemently.
I tried to reason with her, “Sarah, this is absurd. You can’t seriously end our relationship because I didn’t pay for everyone’s dinner. Where’s the fairness in this?”
Her response was chilling. “Maybe I need someone who knows what it means to be a real man, someone who wouldn’t hesitate. If you can’t do that, maybe we’re not right for each other.” She then turned away, closing off any chance for reconciliation.
A few days of silence followed. Then, Sarah called. I hoped for an apology, but instead, she offered an ultimatum. “If you’re serious about us, pay for the entire dinner. Then we might discuss our relationship.”
Stunned, I replied, “Sarah, you’re asking me to buy my way back into our relationship? That’s not just about the dinner. It’s about proving something by paying a bill.”
Her sharp reply made it clear, “It’s about showing you’re willing to step up. If you can’t, this conversation is pointless.”
I realized then that this wasn’t just about the bill. It was about control and manipulation. “Sarah, this isn’t right. You’re turning our relationship into a transaction. I can’t believe you’re pricing our relationship.”
The phone call ended on a cold note, “Then there’s nothing more to say.”
The realization that our relationship was more about control than partnership was profound. In a turn of events, I later coordinated with Sylvia, the birthday girl, on a plan to teach Sarah a lesson about expectations and respect.
Sylvia invited Sarah to a lavish housewarming party, which ended with a request for Sarah to settle the bill, much to her shock. As she grappled with the demand, I appeared, echoing her earlier expectations of me, “Odd to pay for an event you’re just invited to, isn’t it?”
I paid the bill, highlighting a point about fairness and respect. Sarah approached me afterward, apologizing for her behavior and asking if we could start over. However, the experiences and insights gained were too significant.
I declined her offer, emphasizing my need for a relationship grounded in equality and mutual respect, and walked away. This decision marked a pivotal moment, leaving behind not just a relationship but an old version of myself, now more aware of the values I seek in a partner and the essence of respect in any partnership.
15 Things Moms Do That Make Them Even More Incredible
Each pregnancy alters your body irrevocably. And we don’t mean the stretch marks or the scars. We mean the forever-changed DNA. Ask any new mother and she’ll list out a litany of things that are now different for her. Like a forgetful mommy brain that, according to science, makes the mother-child bond stronger.
We at Bright Side salute all moms and believe that they are real-life superheroes. To honor all mothers, we found some mommy facts proving there’s nothing like a mother’s love. Or the science behind it.
1. Motherhood changes you, and your DNA.
A chimera is a legendary beast made of different animals. And we are likening mothers to chimeras because every child that a mother carries leaves their DNA inside her. Basically, fetal cells enter a mother’s bloodstream and stay in her body forever. Researchers allege that these cells can affect the mother both positively and negatively. On one hand, it can speed up healing but on the flip side, it can increase the risk of cancer.
So when they say motherhood changes you, it does so at an elemental level as well. Jennifer Garner’s stunning countenance reflects just that.
2. The baby can taste what their mother eats.
Studies show that what a mother eats flavors the amniotic fluid. Something a baby gulps down several times a day. Basically, a baby can taste what their mother eats from within the womb.
A study showed that infants whose mothers ate carrots while pregnant seemed to enjoy cereal prepared with carrot juice more than others. So if you want to develop your baby’s palate for healthy, crunchy veggies, chow down on them while you are pregnant.
3. Kissing babies is more “healing” than we think.
Any new mom will tell you that the urge to kiss a newborn is intense. It’s innate and biological in nature. And science says that when mothers kiss their babies, it’s not just love, it’s medicine.
A mother’s body samples the pathogens found on the baby’s face, and more magic happens within her own body. Especially to her breastmilk, the main source of nutrition and immunity for the baby.
4. Pregnant women make enormous amounts of estrogen.
Pregnancy sends a woman’s body into overdrive. The uterus expands to 500 times its normal size and then shrinks back after birth. The blood volume increases and to tackle that, the heart expands a little too.
And it’s not just this, a woman makes more estrogen in a single pregnancy than she would in her whole lifetime if she never got pregnant. There’s a reason why women are exhausted when expecting and need sleep and rest for a healthy delivery and recovery.
5. A mother’s smile is near magical.
Moms are near magic, and so is their smile or affection. While you need your mother at all ages, it’s the helpless infant who is most dependent on their mom.
Studies show that when mothers smile, coo, and show affection to their babies, their heartbeats synchronize into the same beat. So if a baby is distressed, it calms them down. This is the reason why newborns need mothers the most when they are fussy and refuse to be calmed down by other family members.
6. Carrying boys can make you more nauseous.
There’s a reason why little boys are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails” or so goes the nursery rhyme. This is because mothers who carry boys are more likely to be nauseous in the first and second trimesters, a study shows.
This is not to say that women expecting girls cannot have morning sickness or that all women who carry boys have more nausea. It’s just that if you are expecting a boy, chances are you may experience more nausea or food aversions.
7. Babies name their mamas.
“Mom, mama, mummy, mamma, ammi, ma, me, emi, mimi.” There’s a pattern in the name for mother in all languages and this is because the “em” sounds are usually the first vocalization for a baby. It’s also the easiest sound a baby can make while babbling. And so it’s our babies who name us and call us mamas.
8. The mommy brain fog is very real.
If you see new moms looking lost, there’s a scientific reason for this. Each pregnancy affects a woman’s brain and makes her lose gray matter. The effects last for around 2 years. Science says that this temporary bewilderment makes mothers closer to their babies as well.
That said, the gray matter regenerates and any confusion or forgetfulness is passing. The bond between a mother and her child is permanent.
9. A mother’s voice is as soothing as a hug.
A study has shown that a mother’s voice, even on the telephone, is as calming as a hug. Researchers introduced stress to a group of girls and then had 1/3 of them hug their mothers, another 1/3 of them talk to their mothers, and 1/3 watched an emotionally neutral film. The girls who spoke to their mothers calmed down much faster, just like those who hugged.
This proves that if you are under stress, your mother’s voice can flood oxytocin into your bloodstream, making you feel better. And we think Jennifer Garner already knows that, pictured here with her mother.
10. Babies can cry in the womb.
The baby’s first cry is not post-birth, rather studies now show that they can express displeasure inside the womb. This can happen as early as 28 weeks gestation.
Researchers played low-decibel sounds on the mother’s belly and could see that the baby opened their mouth and exhibited crying-like behavior. But it’s a silent cry. Researchers also added that this in-vitro crying was nothing the mother should worry about.
11. Pregnancies leave women vulnerable to tooth decay.
Pregnant women are at risk for tooth decay and there are many reasons why. The changes in diet due to cravings may give some women a sweet tooth and the hormones that cause nausea, meaning more acidity on your mouth, to mention a few. This leads to gum disease and decay.
A simple way to prevent it all is by making oral health a priority, especially when you are pregnant.
12. The earliest milk bottle use came to be 7,000 years ago.
As it turns out, the breast/bottle debate is prehistoric. And mamas back then were pretty innovative too. Researchers have found little clay vessels, some shaped into mythical animals with hands and feet, with milk residue in them.
The earliest of them date back to 7,000 years ago and have been identified as prehistoric feeding bottles for babies. The dairy residue has been identified as breastmilk and milk from a cow, sheep, or goat.
13. The Ice Age made human breast milk more nutritious.
Human beings need sunlight to survive because our bodies only synthesize vitamin D in the sun. Allegedly, the last Ice Age should have wiped us out because newborns were not getting any vitamin D, considering the intense cold and lack of sunshine.
Scientists believe that a genetic tweak happened and mothers could transmit vitamin D and essential fatty acids to their newborn babies, and this may have ensured human survival.
14. Pregnancies can be contagious.
A study of more than 30,000 women conducted in Germany has indicated that pregnancy is contagious. It spreads from woman to woman in workplaces, in an endearing way. The results stated that “in the year after a colleague gives birth, transition rates to first pregnancies double.”
So if you are in the workplace and someone is pregnant, expect more pregnancies to pop up.
15. Most mammal moms carry their babies on the left.
Human mothers and even some mammal mamas cradle their babies on the left side of their bodies, closer to their heart. This is irrespective of a left-handed or right-handed mom. Science says that all the sensory information that comes from the left side of the body is processed on the right side of the brain.
The right side is where all the emotions are. And surprisingly enough, babies prefer to keep their moms on their left side as well, so it works for both mom and babe.
Bonus: Celebrity moms speak about motherhood.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
“I did start to feel this new sense of life. And now my confidence is so much greater.”
Lauren Burnham Luyendyk
“Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m in awe of the ladies that make it look so effortless, and even the ones who don’t, you are superheroes.”
Do you have any other experiences as a child or a mother that show us that moms are actual superhumans? Share your motherhood stories with us and spread the joy.
Please note: This article was updated in June 2022 to correct source material and factual inaccuracies.
Preview photo credit laurenluyendyk / Instagram
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