Mike and I had been married for eight years. No kids yet, but I thought we were happy. I worked full-time, split the bills, did everything a good wife does.
Then one evening, I came home a little late, and there she was — HER.
A very pregnant woman sitting on my couch. My heart skipped a beat, thinking she was a friend in need. But the look on Mike’s face told me everything.
“Hey, we need to talk,” he said casually. Then he dropped the bomb: “This is Jessica. She’s pregnant. With my child. We’ve decided to be together.”
I froze. Then he had the nerve to tell me TO MOVE TO MY MOM’S while they took the house. I was speechless. My bl:ood was boiling, but I kept my cool.
I looked him dead in the eyes and said, “Okay, I’ll go away.”
Mike probably thought he’d gotten off easy. Jessica’s smile grew wider. Little did they know, the lottery was about to hit them backhard.
I packed a suitcase with some essentials, and left without another word.
I drove to my mom’s house. The next day, I set my plan in motion.
I marched in the bank like a woman on a mission. I froze our joint account faster than you can say “cheating jerk.”
The look on the bank manager’s face when I explained why was priceless.
Next, I visited a locksmith.
I remembered overhearing Mike tell Jessica they’d be gone for three days, giving me plenty of time to execute my master plan.
My next stop: my house – the same cozy house Mike and I once lived together.
The puzzled locksmith probably thought I was crazy, cackling as I had him change all the locks on the house.
Then came the movers.
I gave them the spare keys and scheduled them to pack up everything I owned, which was basically everything in the house. I even took the toilet paper. Let’s see how Mike and Jessica enjoy using leaves!
But the piece de resistance? I had a brilliant idea that would make this revenge not just sweet, but long-lasting.
I sent out party invitations to Mike’s family, our friends, his coworkers, even nosy neighbor.
The invitation read: “Come celebrate Mike’s new life! Surprise party at our house, tomorrow at 7 p.m.!”
Then, I commissioned a billboard. It was delivered and set up on our front lawn.
In giant, bold letters, it proclaimed: “Congratulations on Dumping Me for Your Pregnant Mistress, Mike! Hope the Baby Doesn’t Inherit Your Infidelity!”
I stepped back to admire my handiwork. With a satisfied smirk, I sashayed away from the scene, eagerly anticipating the chaos that was about to unfold.
The next evening, my phone rang. It was Mike.
“Michelle, What the hell is going on? Why are there people at our house? And what’s with this insane billboard?”, he screeched.
I said, trying to sound innocent. “Just a little housewarming party for you and Jessica. Don’t you like the decorations?”
“Decorations? It’s a freaking circus out here! And why can’t I get into the house?”
I couldn’t help but giggle. “Well, honey, you told me to move out, remember? You never said anything about you staying there. I just remembered that the house is solely under my name. So, I changed the locks. Oopsie!”
There was a long silence on the other end. I could almost hear the gears in his tiny brain trying to process what was happening.
“Where are we supposed to go?” he finally sputtered.
“Gee, I don’t know, Mike. Maybe Jessica’s mom would love to have you? I hear pregnancy hormones and in-laws mix really well.”
In the days that followed, I had the utilities cut off, canceled the cable, and made sure all our joint assets were transferred into my name. I listed the house for sale, making sure to mention in the listing that it came with a “bonus front lawn art installation.”
I had Mike served with divorce papers at work. I specifically requested the mailman to dress up as a pregnant woman. Just for funsies.
But the universe wasn’t done with Mike yet. Oh no, it had saved the best for last.
A week later, I got a call from Jessica. She was crying so hard.
“Michelle,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know… I mean, Mike told me you two were separated. And now… now he’s broke and homeless, and I’m pregnant, and I don’t know what to do!”
I almost felt bad for her.
“Well, Jessica,” I said, trying to keep the glee out of my voice, “I hear the circus is always looking for new acts. Maybe you two could start a juggling duo? You juggle the baby, he juggles his lies?”
She didn’t appreciate my humor. Tsk! Tsk!
As it turns out, when Jessica found out that Mike was now homeless, broke, she decided that maybe being with a guy who had no money, no house, and no future wasn’t such a great idea after all.
She dumped him.
Last I heard, Mike was living in a tiny apartment, trying to scrape together enough money to pay bills and feed his hungry belly. His family had cut him off, disgusted by his behavior.
They even sent me a fruit basket and a sorry card.
As for me? The house sold for a nice profit. I moved to a beautiful new place, started my own business, and adopted a cat. I named him Karma.
I’m a mom to a 9-year-old boy, and let me tell you, the mess in his room has been driving me up the wall!
The chaos in my son, Leo’s, room was legendary. Toys lay strewn across the floor like fallen leaves, clothes were draped over every available surface, and a mountain of dirty laundry threatened to engulf his bed. I’d nagged, I’d pleaded, I’d even resorted to threats, but nothing seemed to penetrate the fog of his youthful disorganization.
Then, my in-laws arrived for a barbecue. As the aroma of grilling burgers filled the air, I vented my frustrations to my mother-in-law, lamenting the eternal struggle against the tyranny of childhood clutter.
She listened patiently, a twinkle in her eye. “Oh, don’t worry, dear,” she said, “I’ll get him to clean it up.”
I raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “How, exactly?”
She simply smiled, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You’ll see.”
And see, I did. My mother-in-law, with the grace of a seasoned magician, approached Leo, who was currently engrossed in a video game. She whispered something in his ear, her voice a low, conspiratorial murmur.
Leo, initially resistant, suddenly sprang to his feet, a look of excitement replacing his usual indifference. He bolted upstairs, a whirlwind of energy, leaving a trail of discarded toys in his wake.
Within an hour, a miracle had occurred. Leo’s room was transformed. Toys were neatly tucked away in bins, clothes were folded and placed in drawers, and the mountain of laundry had miraculously vanished. Even the dreaded “Lego death trap” lurking under the bed was miraculously cleared.
Astonished, I turned to my mother-in-law. “What did you say to him?” I demanded, my curiosity piqued.
She chuckled, her eyes twinkling. “Oh, I simply told him I had hidden a hundred dollars somewhere in his room. He had to find it before he could have any dessert.”
My jaw dropped. “You bribed him?”
“Of course,” she replied, “A little incentive never hurt anyone.”
And there it was. The secret to conquering the chaos of childhood: a little bit of bribery and a whole lot of grandma magic.
From that day on, I adopted my mother-in-law’s strategy. A misplaced toy? “I hear the tooth fairy is looking for a hiding spot for some extra special coins…” A forgotten chore? “I wonder where I put those extra movie tickets I was saving for you…”
Leo, initially skeptical, quickly learned the game. He became a cleaning machine, his room miraculously transforming into a haven of order and cleanliness whenever the “treasure hunt” was announced.
And while some might argue that bribery is not the most ethical parenting technique, I couldn’t help but admire my mother-in-law’s ingenuity. After all, in the battle against childhood clutter, a little bit of strategic maneuvering never hurt anyone.
Besides, who am I to argue with results? Leo’s room was cleaner than it had ever been, and I was finally enjoying a moment of peace and quiet. And that, I realized, was priceless.
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