I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along.Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
Remember her from ‘Crocodile Dundee’? What she looks like today leaves fans in tears
Linda Kozlowski became known all over the world following her role in Crocodile Dundee. The American actress starred alongside Paul Hogan, and the two embarked on a wonderful voyage of love together after the films.
Sadly, Kozlowski and Hogan divorced in 2014, though the couple share one son together. Since then, she’s gone her own way in life, and has found love once again.
So what did Linda Kozlowski get up to following Crocodile Dundee? And what does she look like today? This is all you need to know!
Every actor or actress dreams about that big breakthrough role and the glamorous life that will almost certainly come with it. A great performance in the right film or series can open doors to offers that will likely move one further up the Hollywood celebrity ladder, which is turns means more money and more fame.
Linda Kozlowski – ‘Crocodile Dundee’
Oftentimes, we see actors pretty much playing the same sort of role over and over again. If one finds success as a tough guy or the girl next door, for example, we can expect to see them starring as similar characters in their next few jobs.
But just because someone’s been in one of that years’ biggest and most popular films doesn’t actually mean that fame is guaranteed. And, in fact, some actors just don’t want to continue in Hollywood, even after they’ve been a part of a great success story.
One such actor is Linda Kozlowski. She got her big breakthrough as Sue Charlton in the 1986 film Crocodile Dundee, and quickly became a star all over the world.
Crocodile Dundee changed her life, both on a professional and personal level. But after three Dundee-films and several other appearances, she disappeared.
Looking at her filmography, Linda Kozlowski hasn’t starred in any sort of production since 2001. So what happened? And what does she look like now?
Here’s all you might want to know about her!
Linda Kozlowski was born on January 7, 1958 in Fairfield, Connecticut. The daughter of Stanley and Helen Kozlowski, she grew up in Fairfield and graduated from Andrew Warde High School in 1976.
Linda Kozlowski – early life
Kozlowski had a passion for acting early on. She decided to pursue a career in the business and was accepted into the prestigious Juilliard School’s drama division. She graduated in 1981, and went on to move to New York.
To start off her acting career, Kozlowski starred in several off-Broadway productions, including How It All Began. She would go on to land smaller roles on broadway, as well as in television, including in the television film Death of a Salesman, where she starred alongside Dustin Hoffman.
However, as many actors probably will agree, moving to New York wasn’t easy. She worked as a waitress after Death of a Salesman wrapped up, and a that point, Kozlowski decided to leave for California.
Meanwhile, she and Dustin Hoffman had become great friends, and he became was sort of a mentor for her.
“It was cold in New York,” she told People. “And I didn’t see any other work in sight, and I was sort of miserable.”
Hoffman and his wife wanted to help Linda out. They offered her the chance to stay in their Malibu beach house, and only six weeks after her move to the west coast, she auditioned for Crocodile Dundee.
Dustin Hoffman was actually the one that recommended her for the part, since he was very impressed with her performance in Death of a Salesman.
“Linda got the movie because they liked her”
“There was a feeling in that room that was so positive,” she recalled of the audition. “I never once thought, ‘Oh, my God, this might not work.’
“Dustin asked me, ‘Who are these people? What are their names, and where are they staying?’,” she recalled. “And I told him. So just as they were calling me to say I had the part, they got a phone call: It was Dustin Hoffman. At first they thought it was a friend doing a bad impersonation.
“Once they realized it was Hoffman, they were just beaming. It was a sign they’d made the right decision.”
Kozlowski’s longtime friend William DeAcutis added: “Dustin’s call was like the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, but Linda got the movie because they liked her.”
In 1986, Kozlowski starred alongside Paul Hogan in the first Crocodile Dundee film. It became one of the biggest films’ of the year, earning a staggering $320 million. Considering it only cost about $10 million to make, it was – on top of the fans loving it – great business.
At first, however, when Linda arrived at the Crocodile Dundee set in Australia, it was something of a shock.
“It was 4 o’clock in the morning, freezing cold, with kangaroos and wild buffalo roaming around. I was in a daze,” she said.
Over night, Linda Kozlowski became a star. But the funny thing was that for a short while, she was a huge celebrity in Australia – but yet unknown in the US.
Major success with ‘Crocodile Dundee’
Crocodile Dundee opened “Down Under” before it opened in the US, which meant people in the US didn’t know her at all.
“It was a bit like being Cinderella,” Kozlowski told the Los Angeles Times. “In Australia, I’d be riding about in limos, whereas here I was still running around in my old Toyota trying to see casting directors.”
Linda soon went from a struggling actress to a star. However, she always felt that she didn’t get that much attention. All in all, it was all about Dundee.
“But I’ll tell you where I was a big star,” she said, laughing. “In Fairfield, Conn., where I grew up. My parents, Stanley and Helen Kozlowski, still live there, and when the movie opened they saw it again and again.
“What’s funny is the local paper never referred to me as ‘Linda,’ always as ‘Stanley’s daughter.’ It was ‘Stanley’s daughter says this…’ and ‘Stanley’s daughter says that’…”
Two years later, she appeared in the second Crocodile Dundee film, and in 2001, the third one, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles was released.
At that point, Kozlowski had also found love. And it was with her co-star Paul Hogan, also known as the Crocodile Dundee.
The couple married in May 1990 in Australia. According to the Los Angeles Times, Hogan gave her a $2 million mansion as a wedding gift.
Marriage with Paul Hogan
Following her first two very successful appearances in the Crocodile Dundee films, one might think that Linda Kozlowski had hundreds of offers for new projects. Well, for her, that wasn’t the case at all.
Sure, she had options, but nothing felt exciting.
“After Crocodile Dundee I turned down lots of stuff, most of it where I’d play the girlfriend of some funny man,” Kozlowski said, explaining that she used the scripts for a whole different reason.
“I use them for kindling, to get the fire started,” she said.
“That’s about all they’re good for. I was getting very depressed, but finally something good did come along–‘Pass the Ammo.’ That’s been a long time coming out, but now there’s a release date.”
In 2001, Linda Kozlowski appeared in the third Crocodile Dundee film. But that was her last appearance in any production to this day.
Before the third film, she decided to leave show business. In 1998, she and Paul Hogan had welcomed their first and only child together, Change Hogan, and instead she wanted to focus on raising her beloved son.
After 23 years of marriage, Linda and Paul divorced in 2014. The couple filed for divorce in October 2013, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason.
Divorced in 2014
Speaking with New Idea, Linda explained that she now wanted to be the one in the spotlight. According to Sydney Morning Herald, Linda received $6.25 million in a one-off payment. At the same time, Hogan kept the rights to his Crocodile Dundee character, as well as the film company that produced the films.
Furthermore, Kozlowski was allowed to stay in their home in Los Angeles for four years or until she remarried – whichever came first.
“I lived in Paul’s shadow for many, many years and it’s nice to feel my own light right now,” she told New Idea, adding that the problem between the two was the lack of shared interests.
“Honestly, we just naturally grew apart. One of our problems was we really had nothing in common and, over time, that happens to a lot of people.”
Paul Hogan said the same thing, however added that they still make things work despite their differences.
“We were opposites and we were attracted to each other for a long time. Opposites in everything,” Hogan said.
“From the food we ate, the music we liked, the entertainment we liked, the colors, the clothes, the places, everything, It worked anyway.”
The couple still have shared custody of their son, Change. And despite the divorce, they remain close friends.
Linda Kozlowski today
“The divorce was completely amicable. We talk on the phone all the time, I go over and have coffee,” she said. “We’re completely friendly. Everybody’s happy.”
Linda left the spotlight and has relocated to Morocco, where she has found love once again.
During a trip to Morocco, she was led by local tour guide Moulay Hafid Baba. Speaking to Luxe Beat, Kozlowski said their attraction was instant.
Together, they founded a Marrakesh-based luxury travelling business Dream My Destiny, where they plan customized journeys depending on what their guests desire.
“We knew in a flash that we had known each other for a thousand years, which was a magic moment in both our lives,” Linda Kozlowski said. “As business partners, we plan all our guests’ trips together.
“He’ll look after the men when the ladies need to shop for shoes! He knows the country inside out, including the Sahara Desert. You feel safe with him wherever you are.”
It’s easy to say that Linda remains a very beautiful woman!
It’s been a long time since Linda appeared on screen. She will forever be remembered as the wonderful Sue in Crocodile Dundee, and her legacy will live on forever.
No plans of returning to acting
Today, she’s 63 years of age. However, she has no plans on returning to the big screen.
“I don’t miss acting because my life is so full now. Reality is better than make believe.
“One thing I always hated about acting was that it got in the way of having an adventurous life,” she added.
“You had to stick around LA and wait for work. Now I’m rejoicing in my freedom. I definitely think acting helped develop my intuition, which is essential to my new endeavor, as so much of what I do is based on reading people and instinctively catering to their needs.”
Linda Kozlowski was a truly wonderful actress. But in the end, we’re happy that she choose to follow her passion.
Please, share this article with friends and family to honor Linda Kozlowski!
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