For weeks, my neighbor’s underpants stole the spotlight outside my 8-year-old son’s window. When he naively questioned if her thongs were slingshots, I decided it was time to put an end to this panty parade and teach her a valuable lesson in laundry etiquette.
Ah, suburbia! The grass is usually greener on the other side, mostly because your neighbor’s sprinkler system is superior to yours. That’s where I, Thompson’s wife Kristie, opted to establish roots with my 8-year-old son Jake. Life was as smooth as a freshly botoxed forehead until Lisa, our new neighbor, came in next door.
It began on Tuesday. I remember because it was wash day, and I was folding a mountain of tiny superhero underwear, courtesy of Jake’s recent obsession.
Looking out his bedroom window, I almost choked on my coffee. A pair of hot pink, lace underwear flew in the breeze like the world’s most indecent flag.
And they were not alone. Oh no, they were not alone — a full rainbow of underpants was dancing in the breeze in front of my son’s window.
“Holy guacamole,” I muttered, dropping a pair of Batman briefs. “Is this a laundry line or Victoria’s Secret runway?”
Jake’s voice piped up behind me, “Mom, why does Mrs. Lisa have her underwear outside?”
My face burned hotter than my malfunctioning dryer. “Uh, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa just… really likes fresh air. Why don’t we close these curtains, huh? Give the laundry some privacy.”
“But Mom,” Jake persisted, his eyes wide with innocent curiosity, “if Mrs. Lisa’s underwear likes fresh air, shouldn’t mine go outside too? Maybe my Hulk undies could make friends with her pink ones!”
I held back a laugh that threatened to blossom into a wild sob. “Honey, your underwear is… shy. It prefers to stay inside where it’s cozy.”
As I ushered Jake out, I couldn’t resist thinking, “Welcome to the neighborhood, Kristie. Hope you brought your sense of humor and a sturdy pair of curtains.”
Days stretched into weeks, and Lisa’s laundry service became as routine as my daily coffee, and as welcoming as a cold cup of coffee with a splash of curdled milk.
Every day, a new set of panties appeared outside my son’s window, and I found myself playing the awkward game of “shield the child’s eyes.”
One afternoon, while I was cooking a snack in the kitchen, Jake burst in, his face etched with bewilderment and eagerness, making my mom-sense prickle with fear.
“Mom,” he started, in that tone that always preceded a question I wasn’t prepared for, “why does Mrs. Lisa have so many different colored underwear? And why are some of them so small? With strings? Are they for her pet hamster?”
I almost dropped the knife I was using to spread peanut butter, picturing Lisa’s response at being told her delicates were rodent-sized.
“Well, honey,” I stammered, buying time, “everyone has different preferences for their clothes. Even the ones we don’t usually see.”
Jake nodded sagely as if I’d imparted some great wisdom. “So, it’s like how I like my superhero underwear, but grown-up? Does Mrs. Lisa fight crime at night? Is that why her underwear is so small? For aerodynamics?”
I choked on air, caught between laughter and horror. “Uh, not exactly, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa isn’t a superhero. She’s just very confident.”
“Oh,” Jake replied, little disappointed. Then his face brightened up again.
“But Mom, if Mrs. Lisa can hang her underwear outside, can I hang mine too? I bet my Captain America boxers would look super cool flapping in the wind!”
“Sorry, buddy,” I said, ruffling his hair. “Your underwear is special. It needs to stay hidden to, uh, protect your secret identity.”
As Jake nodded and munched on his lunch, I looked out the window at Lisa’s colorful underwear display.
This could not continue on. It was time to talk with our exhibitionist neighbor. ?.
The following day, I marched over to Lisa’s place.
I rang the doorbell, flashing my best “concerned neighbor” smile, the same one I use to assure the HOA that “no, my garden gnomes are not offensive, they’re whimsical.”
Lisa responded, appearing as if she had just come out of a shampoo advertisement.
“Oh, hi there! Kristie, right?” she frowned.
“That’s right! Listen, Lisa, I hoped we could chat about something.”
She leaned against the doorframe, eyebrow raised. “Oh? What’s on your mind? Need to borrow a cup of sugar? Or maybe a cup of confidence?” She glanced pointedly at my mom jeans and oversized t-shirt.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that jail orange is not my color. “It’s about your laundry. Specifically, where you hang it.”
Lisa’s flawlessly groomed brows furrowed. “My laundry? What about it? Is it too fashion-forward for the neighborhood?”
“Well, it’s just that it’s right in front of my son’s window. The, um, underwear especially. It’s a bit exposing. Jake’s starting to ask questions. Yesterday, he asked if your thongs were slingshots.”
“Oh, honey. They’re just clothes! It’s not like I’m hanging up nuclear launch codes. Although, between you and me, my leopard print bikini bottoms are pretty explosive!”
I felt my eye twitch. “I understand, but Jake is only eight. He’s curious. This morning, he asked if he could hang his Superman undies next to your, uh, ‘crime-fighting gear’.”
“Well, then, sounds like a perfect opportunity for some education. You’re welcome! I’m practically running a public service here. And why should I care about your son? It’s my yard. Toughen up!”
“Excuse me?”
Lisa waved her hand dismissively. “Listen, if you’re that bothered by a few pairs of panties, maybe you need to loosen up. It’s my yard, my rules. Deal with it. Or better yet, buy some cuter underwear. I could give you some tips if you’d like.”
And with that, she slammed the door in my face, leaving me standing there with my mouth open, likely gathering flies.
I was stunned. “Oh, it is ON,” I muttered, turning on my heel. “You want to play dirty laundry? Game on, Lisa. Game. On.” ?
That night, I sat at my sewing machine.
Yards of the most gaudy, eye-searing cloth I could locate sat before me. It was the type of cloth that could be seen from space and perhaps even attract alien life forms!
“You think your little lacy numbers are something to see, Lisa?” I muttered, feeding the fabric through the machine. “Wait till you get a load of this. E.T. will phone home about these babies.”
After hours, I finished creating the world’s largest and most irritating pair of granny panties. ?
They were large enough to serve as a parachute, loud enough to be heard from space, and just insignificant enough to prove my argument.
If Lisa’s underwear was a whisper, mine was a fabric-covered foghorn.
That afternoon, as soon as I saw Lisa’s car leave her driveway, I sprung into action.
With my improvised clothesline and gigantic flamingo underpants ready, I dashed across our lawns, ducking between plants and lawn ornaments.
With the coast clear, I hung my handiwork just in front of Lisa’s living room window. Stepping back to examine my work, I couldn’t help but smile.
The enormous flamingo undies fluttered gloriously in the afternoon air. They were so enormous that a family of four could certainly use them as a tent while camping.
“Take that, Lisa,” I whispered, scurrying back home. “Let’s see how you like a taste of your own medicine. Hope you brought your sunglasses, because it’s about to get BRIGHT in the neighborhood.”
Back at home, I took up a position beside the window. I felt like a kid waiting for Santa, but instead of gifts, I was waiting for Lisa to uncover my small surprise.
The minutes passed like hours.
Just as I was wondering if Lisa had chosen to turn her errands into a surprise holiday, I heard the familiar sound of her car approaching the driveway.
It’s show time.
Lisa stepped outside, arms full of shopping bags, and froze. Her mouth dropped so quickly, I thought it could detach. The bags slid from her fingers, scattering their contents across the driveway.
I swear I spotted a pair of polka-dot panties rolling across the yard. Lisa, you are so classy.
“WHAT THE HELL…??” she screeched, loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. “Is that a parachute? Did the circus come to town?”
I burst into laughter. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I watched Lisa dash up to the enormous undies and grab at them futilely. It was like witnessing a chihuahua attempt to take down a Great Dane.
Composing myself, I strolled outside. “Oh, hi Lisa! Doing some redecorating? I love what you’ve done with the place. Very avant-garde.”
She whirled on me, face as pink as the undies of my creation. “You! You did this! What is wrong with you? Are you trying to signal aircraft?”
I shrugged. “Just hanging out some laundry. Isn’t that what neighbors do? I thought we were starting a trend.”
“This isn’t laundry!” Lisa shrieked, gesturing wildly at the undies. “This is… this is…”
“A learning opportunity?” I suggested sweetly. “You know, for the neighborhood kids. Jake was very curious about the aerodynamics of underwear. I thought a practical demonstration might help.”
Lisa’s mouth expanded and closed, like a fish out of water. Finally, she sputtered, “Take. It. Down.”
I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of like the breeze it’s getting. Really airs things out, you know? Plus, I think it’s bringing the property values up. Nothing says ‘classy neighborhood’ like giant novelty underwear.”
For a moment, I thought Lisa might spontaneously combust. Then, to my surprise, her shoulders sagged. “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “You win. I’ll move my laundry. Just… please, take this monstrosity down. My retinas are burning.”
I chuckled, extending my hand. “Deal. But I have to say, I think flamingos are your color.”
As we shook on it, I couldn’t help but add, “By the way, Lisa? Welcome to the neighborhood. We’re all a little crazy here. Some of us just hide it better than others.”
Lisa’s laundry has been missing from the clothesline in front of Jake’s window since that day. She never addressed it again, and I never had to cope with her “life lessons” either.
And me? Let’s just say I now have a really unusual set of curtains made of flamingo fabric. Don’t waste, don’t want, right?
Jake was slightly bummed that the “underwear slingshots” were no longer available. But I informed him that sometimes being a superhero entails keeping your undergarments a secret. What if he ever sees huge flamingo undies flying through the sky? Mom is protecting the neighborhood with outrageous pranks! ?
Little girl was abandoned by dad who said she was ‘dead’ to him – now she’s a famous actress
In 1975, a well-known musician met iconic actress Goldie Hawn at the height of their careers.
The two crossed paths while traveling from New York to Los Angeles on a first-class flight, and their connection was immediate.
The musician, a member of The Hudson Brothers, was already a prominent figure in the music world, having performed alongside The Beach Boys, The Osmonds, and The Monkees. In addition to his music career, he also appeared in films and TV shows, most notably the cult classic Hysterical.
Recalling their first encounter, the musician described the chemistry as undeniable. “The attraction was instant. I invited her out to dinner that night, and that was it,” he shared. Their relationship quickly escalated, with their physical connection being a central aspect.
“The [intimacy] was mind-blowing. Even when everything else in the relationship turned sour, the [intimacy] was always amazing,” he added, per the Daily Mail. Though their relationship had its ups and downs, there were moments when it seemed as though they were making progress.
The couple married in 1976 when Goldie was pregnant with their first child, a son. However, their son’s birth was not without complications. Born at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, he was diagnosed with meconium aspiration, a life-threatening condition in which a newborn inhales amniotic fluid contaminated with meconium.
The newborn was isolated for three days after birth, which deeply distressed the couple. “Goldie and I were beside ourselves,” the musician remembered. He further explained: “She was really sick, and I’d go from her bedside to the neonatal intensive care unit. The doctors didn’t think [son’s name] would make it. But [he] pulled through, and from that moment, he was our precious miracle.”
Three years later, the couple welcomed their second child, a daughter, in 1979. The family of four enjoyed several happy years together, but their marriage came to an unfortunate end in 1981 when the musician discovered Goldie had been unfaithful. The musician longed for a traditional marriage, which conflicted with Goldie’s views on commitment.
“Goldie was having affairs, [and] she told me pretty much on our wedding night that she wanted an open marriage, that she couldn’t imagine being faithful to one man for the rest of her life,” he revealed to the Daily Mail. “I wanted a traditional marriage, but Goldie couldn’t settle. Eventually, I moved out.”
After their split, Goldie began dating actor Kurt Russell in 1983. They had initially met in 1968 while filming The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band, but it wasn’t until their reunion on the set of Swing Shift that their romantic relationship blossomed. Their son, Wyatt Russell, was born in 1986, three years into their relationship.
Blending their families proved to be a significant adjustment. Goldie’s daughter recalled: “For me, it felt like such a big moment because it was like, ‘My mom is madly in love with this guy.’” She added: “And I was meeting his son [Boston], which meant, ‘Does this mean that this is my brother?’ It was a lot to handle at such a young age.”
Goldie’s children from her previous marriage struggled with feelings of abandonment after their parents’ divorce. Her son recalled how their biological father gradually distanced himself from their family. Reflecting on a controversial Father’s Day post dedicated to Kurt, he said: “It doesn’t really matter which one of these men is my father. My pa stepped in when I was six and made me the man I am today.”
Both siblings have fond memories of Kurt stepping into the role of father figure. Though their relationship with their biological father, Bill, remains strained, they often express gratitude for Kurt’s dedication.
Meanwhile, Bill has openly voiced his feelings of betrayal, accusing Goldie of “poisoning” their children against him. Despite the tension, Kate and Oliver are focused on healing from their past and maintaining a positive outlook for the future, per Hello!.
By 2015, the strained relationship with Bill became public when Oliver posted a controversial Father’s Day message on social media. He shared a throwback picture of himself, Kate, and Bill, captioned: “Happy abandonment day… @katehudson.”
Bill, angered by the post, expressed his frustration in an interview, saying: “Oliver could have picked up the phone and called me, but he hasn’t. This was clearly premeditated; he chose the photograph and posted it on Father’s Day when he knew it would cause maximum pain.”
Bill went further to claim that if Oliver wanted to cut him out of their lives, he had succeeded. The fallout only deepened when Kate followed Oliver’s lead and posted her own tribute to Kurt, which added to the tension.
Kate appeared on Howard Stern’s show, speaking about how Kurt was the father who was present during the difficult and challenging times. In response, Bill stated, per the Daily Mail: “I would ask them to stop using the Hudson name [because] they are no longer a part of my life.”
He further expressed: “Oliver’s Instagram post was a malicious, vicious, premeditated attack; he is dead to me now, as is Kate. I am mourning their loss even though they are still walking this earth.” Following this, Bill decided to remove all childhood memorabilia of Kate and Oliver from his home, according to the Daily Mail report.
Despite the distance between Bill and his older children, Kurt has embraced his role as a grandfather to Kate and Oliver’s children.
While Bill continues to harbor resentment, Kate and Oliver have moved on, choosing to focus on the family bonds they’ve built with their stepfather, Kurt.
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