Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
Jacqueline Bisset, 78, continues to wow audiences with her natural beauty
Jacqueline Bisset is magnificent – in so many ways.
In a career spanning 58 years and a portfolio that includes about 50 films, the 78-year-old actress shows no signs of slowing down.
Jacqueline Bisset has been one of my role models since I was a very little girl, my parents just loved her. To me, she really is one of the few actresses that represent the glamour that Hollywood once had.
I admire her aging naturally and always thought she had a very natural beauty and sex appeal. She never wore tons of makeup.
Throughout her storied career, the brown-haired beauty, known for her high cheekbones and striking green eyes, has demonstrated her versatility by playing a range of characters including the sultry seductress Miss Goodthighs in the spy parody Casino Royale (1967), a devoted mother in Sleepy Time Gal (2001), First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis in America’s Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story (2003) and Anna Karenina (1985) in the sweeping love story of the same name, where she starred opposite Christopher Reeves.
Bisset made her first on-screen appearance in Roman Polanski’s Cul-de-Sac (1966) and gained notoriety in 1968 when she starred in back-to-back films in one single year: Detective with crooner Frank Sinatra, Bullitt with Steven McQueen, and her Golden Globe-nominated performance in The Sweet Ride with Tony Franciosa and Bob Denver, who’s famously known as Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island.
You’ll also recognize her from her performances in Day for Night (1973), Murder on the Orient Express (1974), The Deep (1977), Wild Orchid (1990), her Golden Globe and Emmy-nominated role in Joan of Arc (1999), her Golden Globe-winning role in the miniseries Dancing on the Edge (2013), Miss You Already (2015) and Birds of Paradise (2021).
In 2010, the multilingual actor–she speaks English, French and Italian–was awarded the Legion of Honor, the highest state order in France, and in 2023, Sedona International Film Festival recognized Bisset with a Lifetime Achievement Award.
Despite filming with some of Hollywood’s hottest men, Bisset has never been married. The stunning woman was pursued by Frank Sinatra, and rumors swirled that she was involved with Bullitt co-star, Hollywood bad boy, Steve McQueen. But Bisset, a proper English lady, said they were too different.
Referring to McQueen, she said in an interview with the Daily Mail, “He was attractive, but a little scary. I was very English and he was a hip American. The way he talked would have driven me mad–I didn’t know what a dude or a soul chick was!”
She’s had long-term relationships with Canadian actor Michael Sarrazin, the ballet dancer Alexander Godunov and actor Vincent Pérez, but she admits she’s too independent for anything permanent.
In an interview with the Independent, Bisset said, “I’ve had some very interesting men in my life. They have been a handful. I don’t choose easy men, I’m told.” She continued, “Sometimes you get too much information when you spend time with people. You start to see things–bad habits. You start to discover them and then you have to marry bad habits and I’m not sure I can cope with them. I don’t ever have bad relationships. I haven’t broken up angry. I’ve just moved out of situations that have been overwhelming.”
Though Bisset–Godmother to Angelina Jolie–hasn’t made headlines for having outrageous relationships, she was trending after she won the Golden Globe for her portrayal as Lady Cremone in the BBC series Dancing on the Edge.
Her acceptance speech, with the background music playing to signal her off the stage, was mostly filled with ramblings but demonstrated genuine gratitude from the then 69-year-old, who had been waiting 47 years to win, since her first nomination for best newcomer.
Since then, she starred as a sassy femme fatale in the French thriller The Lodger (2020), and most recently, she appeared in the film Loren & Rose (2022). Bisset plays the lead character Rose, a legendary actor trying to re-establish her career, who’s bound by a reputation that casts her as being a “little zany and a bit unreliable.”
According to the film’s director Russell Brown, the character of Rose is the opposite of Bisset in real life. Brown said, “Viewers often assume that Jacqueline is ‘like she is in the movie.’ But this really isn’t the case–as an actress and a woman, I think she is quite different from Rose, and it’s a testament to her skill that the transformation feels so seamless.”
Bisset is a timeless beauty who embraces aging with grace. In her infamous Golden Globes speech, she said: ‘I believe, if you want to look good, you’ve got to forgive everybody. It’s the best beauty treatment.’
She’s also said that though in her youth she had “lots of complexes” she was never tempted by plastic surgery. “I don’t think it makes you look younger. It makes you different,” said Bisset.
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