According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
MILLIONAIRE’S CRUEL JOKE ABOUT POOR MOM GOES VIRAL—UNTIL PILOT STEPS IN
A rich man was unhappy when a mother with three kids was seated next to him in business class. Louis Newman, the millionaire, complained loudly and criticized the stewardess for letting her sit there.
“I’m sorry, sir,” the stewardess said calmly, showing him the tickets. “These seats are assigned to Mrs. Debbie Brown and her children, and we can’t change them. Please cooperate with us.”
Despite the stewardess’s explanation, Louis continued to grumble about the situation. But things took an unexpected turn when the pilot made a special announcement as they were about to land. The announcement highlighted Mrs. Brown’s story and praised her for her strength and dedication. After hearing this, Louis’s complaints vanished, and he had a new perspective on the situation.
Louis Newman, a wealthy businessman, was upset when a mother with three kids was seated next to him in business class. He complained loudly that the children would make too much noise and ruin his important meeting with foreign investors.
The stewardess explained that Mrs. Debbie Brown and her children had paid for those seats and had the right to be there. Debbie offered to move if other passengers would swap seats, but the stewardess insisted that she stay where she was.
Louis was annoyed and thought it was unfair that he had to sit next to someone he felt didn’t belong in business class. He put in his AirPods to avoid talking to Debbie and turned away as she helped her children buckle into their seats.
Once the flight took off, Debbie’s children were excited and began happily chatting about their first business class experience. “Mom! Look, we’re finally flying!” her daughter Stacey exclaimed with joy.
Some passengers on the plane smiled at Stacey’s excitement, but Louis Newman looked displeased. He asked Debbie if she could make her children be quiet because he was joining an important meeting from the flight and didn’t want any disruptions.
Debbie asked her children to stay quiet, and Louis’s meeting continued for most of the flight. During his call, Debbie noticed he frequently mentioned fabrics and had a handbook with designs, which made her realize he was a businessman in the clothing industry.
After his meeting, Debbie approached Louis and asked, “Can I ask you something?”
Louis, feeling pleased with how his meeting went, agreed. “Sure, go ahead.”
“I saw your handbook with fabric samples. Do you work in the clothing industry?”
“Yes,” Louis replied. “I own a clothing company in New York. We just closed a big deal with a top designing company.”
Debbie shared that she ran a small boutique in Texas, which had been started by her in-laws in New York and had recently expanded. She complimented his designs, but Louis responded with sarcasm. “Thanks, but our designs are way beyond what a local boutique offers. We work with top designers and just secured a million-dollar deal. A boutique like yours wouldn’t understand.”
Debbie felt embarrassed but tried to stay calm. “I understand. It must be very important to you.”
Louis, still smirking, said, “You’re here in business class, but you don’t seem like you belong here. Maybe next time you should fly economy and stick to people who run boutiques like you.”
Debbie’s patience was running out. “Sir, I know it’s my first time flying business class and I had some trouble with the check-in, but don’t you think you’re being a bit rude? My husband is on this flight with us, and…”
Before Debbie could finish speaking, the intercom announced their arrival at JFK. But Captain Tyler Brown had more to say.
“I want to thank all the passengers, especially my wife, Debbie Brown. Debbie, your support means the world to me,” the pilot began. Louis’s face turned red with embarrassment as he realized Debbie’s husband was the pilot.
“This is my first time flying a business class flight, and I was nervous. Thanks to my wife, who reassured me and joined me on this flight despite her own fear of flying. Today is my first day back at work after a long period of unemployment. We’ve faced many challenges, but Debbie has always stayed strong. Today is also the anniversary of when we first met, which I think she may have forgotten. So, I want to propose to her again. DEBBIE, I LOVE YOU!”
Tyler left the pilot’s cabin, got down on one knee, and proposed to Debbie with a ring. “Will you spend the rest of your life with me again, Mrs. Debbie Brown?”
The passengers watched in awe as Debbie, teary-eyed, said yes. The plane erupted in applause. Louis, meanwhile, stood stunned and embarrassed.
Before leaving the plane, Debbie approached Louis and said, “A person like you, who only cares about money, would never understand the value of having a loving family. My husband and I live simply, but we are very proud of it!”
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