Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
Most viewers do not recognize this famous actor
Vincent D’Onofrio portrayed the legendary part of the overweight, unskilled Marine recruit in Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket.Nevertheless, his popularity dipped after this role.Because of his curly black hair and athletic build, the 64-year-old actor stated that the job needed a considerable physical alteration, making him undesirable to the girls who had previously approached him.
The breadth and diversity of Vincent D’Onofrio’s experience are outstanding.He always gives every part his all, and you almost forget who he is because of how much he can relate to the character.The Brooklyn-born actor used numerous side jobs to finance his acting career while starting off as a bodyguard for Yul Brynner and Robert Plant.He started out as a bouncer, a cab driver, a flower delivery driver, and a curtain hanger.
After D’Onofrio performed in a few low-budget films, his friend, actor Matthew Modine, persuaded him to send an audition video to Stanley Kubrick, who was then casting for his impending major success.After 26 years of marriage, D’Onofrio filed for divorce from Carin van der Donk in Manhattan Supreme Court at June 2023.In the 2021 motion picture The Unforgivable and the next comedy Dumb Money, D’Onofrio will co-star with Sandra Bullock.
In Full Metal Jacket, Vincent D’Onofrio excelled, and his portrayal of Leonard’s psychological decline is remarkably realistic!After so many decades, it’s only natural that he looks radically different now, yet we still love his performances!How does he portray the overweight, dim-witted Leonard, in your opinion?
Leave a Reply